Tuesday, January 19, 2010

True Love

What is True Love?

True love is getting a call at 8:30 this morning from your wife and having her tell you she got pulled over for her expired licence plate that you have been telling her to get changed for the last 3 months and instead of getting angry, you comfort her and tell her not to worry and to please stop crying because things could always be worse.

True love is when 5 minutes later your wife calls you back to tell you that the police woman will not let her drive her car back home the 1 mile and instead a tow truck has to come and tow her expired licensed car that you have warned her for the last three months that they would take from her,if she didn't go to the DMV ASAP and you leaving work to pick up her up and drive her home.

True love is then not going back to work, to take your criminal wife to the DMV since she doesn't have a car to drive, to try and get a Connecticut driver's license (which she still hasn't done either) and hopefully a temporary registration, so she actually has a car to drive until she can get her new license plate.

True love is waiting, patiently behind the flamboyant man with the gold hoop earrings and fur coat, and instead of complaining, calling her car company to see where the documents she has been waiting in the mail for are, so she can obtain a new license plate, but has been too lazy to pick up the phone to check on herself.

True love is not banging your head against a wall and instead stroking your wife's hair while she sobs as the DMV supervisor tells her she has too many names, they don't match up to her documents and even though she thought she could change her middle name to her first name on her passport and the DMV would be cool with this, that the passport is actually not valid and therefore she cannot obtain a license OR a temporary registration let alone an actual up to date license plate.

True love is then realizing now your wife has no car to drive and that defaults you as her chauffeur until she gets her shiz together.

True love is getting back in the car and trying to keep your sanity when your wife starts crying again because she realizes the number they gave her for the Office of Vital Documents to obtain her birth certificate (to name another thing she doesn't have) is to South Carolina as she requested, but is wrong because she forgot she was born in Savannah, Georgia.

True love is calling your parents to ask if your delinquent wife can borrow one of their cars since she cannot drive her own and then deciding she is too upset to operate a motor vehicle and instead you take her back to work, but not without stopping to get her a turkey sandwich and a gigantic cookie to make sure she has some food at work.

True love is then not returning to your workplace right away because you know your wife doesn't have a car and will be panicking about letting her dog out even though both of you know if the dog really has to go she will just relieve herself wherever she pleases in the house, and then going to let the dog out anyways.

True love is surprising your wife with a dozen roses after you pick her up from work with a card that reads, 'To my loving wife, whatever your name is.'

True love is my Hubs.

Thanks for being married to me.

Your irresponsible, criminal, lazy, delinquent wife.

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